Saturday, 20 February 2016

Shakespeare's Star Wars: Verily, a New Hope (Book Review)

We have so many attempts to "modernise" the bard's work; so why not take a contemporary work and translate it into iambic pentameter? Genius!

Friends, rebels, starfighters - lend me thine ears...


RED LEAD: Good men, each now shall speak and state his name

RED TEN: Red Ten doth here stand by


RED SIX: Disaster at me strikes!

BIGGS: Eject, forsooth!

RED SIX: I may yet set it right

BIGGS: Anon, pull up!

RED SIX: Nay, I'll warrant that all will be well - [Explosion: Red Six dies]

COMPUTER: In seven minutes shall the Death Star be
Within the range of our fair rebel base

I'll be checking out The Empire Striketh Back and the Jedi Doth Return...

VADER: I sense the Force in this one here, almost
As if I did my younger self espy


VADER: I feel thy lack of faith disturbing

TARKIN: Cease!  No more of this! Lord Vader, let him be.

VADER: As thy will. [Aside:] My point hath been well made
Upon his prideful, unbelieving throat


BEING ONE: Negola d'waghi wolldugger!

He liketh not thy look

LUKE:  Forgive me, Sir
[Aside:] Nor do I like his face, yet do I groan?


HAN: Tis but the ship that hath the Kessel run
Accomplish'd in twelve parsecs, nothing more


HAN: Nay, not that:
The day that Jabba taketh my dear ship
Shall be the day you find me a grave man

GREEDO: Nay oo'chlay nooma.  CHespeka nofa
Na cringko kaynko, a nachoskanya!

HAN: Aye, I'' warrant thou hast wish'd this day
[They shoot, Greedo dies]

[To innkeeper:] Pray, goodly Sir, forgive me for the mess

[Aside:] And whether I shot first, I'll ne'er confess!


OFFICER ONE: [through com link] But who art thou, and what's thy number code?
[Han Solo blasts comlink]

HAN: That conversation did my spirits bore!
Now Luke, prepare thyself for company!


Okay, okay, I'll curb the quotes...
This book has been my most fun read since Johannes Cabal: Necromancer.  It appeals to the inner geek on many levels - I mean, if the words "Shakespeare's Star Wars" does not make you prick up your ears, you're probably reading the wrong sort of blog.

You'd read it: It's Star Wars, Shakespeare style! 'Nuf said.

You'd leave it: You care for neither Star Wars nor the immortal bard. In which case, prithee fly from this blog, ne'er to return!

Zounds! This IS the book you're looking for...


  1. If you're looking for more, somebody did an utterly amazing Shakespearean version of...well, it's called, "Two Gentlemen of Lebowski; A Most Excellent Comedie and Tragical Romance" a couple of years back. Just checked, and it's available on Amazon.

  2. My fyne wife didst aquire perchance a facimile of very said manuscript but last winter. Chuckles.

  3. I see you're finally convinced that the relative paucity of world-building in his work in no way diminishes the bard's greatness. I'll accept this as the apology that has heretofore been lacking.

    1. Huh? This is clear proof of his UNORIGINALITY and LACK of world building.

      He has clearly derived his work from George Lucas's masterpiece, just as he shamelessly copied the plots for ALL his other works.

      The bard doesn't have a creative bone in his body. Clearly, converting others works to iambic pentameter is the limit of his skills.

  4. Forsooth, must I be forever plagued by the dullness of poltroons?

    Plots & 'world building' are nothing: these could be created by the simplest of oafs (and in the case you cite, the alleged 'masterpiece' of Master Lucas, actually were.)

    Beauty of language, sir, and depth of character: these are the essence of genius. The chronic absence of them in your (thankfully) brief lampoon in no way disproves this.